Steven Seagal fictional Lawman episode 1 – the left handed rapist and accomplices

Steven is riding around Jefferson County on a Harley Davison, he is so sleek he seems naked and covered in motor oil, and his ponytail trails masculinely behind him.

He drives down a main road, but he gets a feeling that three blocks over there are a pack of wild men raping a teenage girl.

He does a U-Turn in heavy traffic, and has to duck down as his chopper goes under a semi trailer, he comes out of the other side, fixes his yellow night vision glasses and guns it for the scene of the crime.

Quickly he realises there is four assailants there, one of which is left handed, he tells the cameraman, “Years of Martial Arts training has taught me to tell which hand a person is more dominant with by his breathing. A true Zen Martial arts practitioner has no dominant side, but this kid does.”

Seagal is now surveying the scene looking for weak spots, he can hear the girls muffled screams through a pillow from his vantage point 50 yards away, and the camera’s microphone hears no such scream.

He puts his gun back in his holster and proceeds to leap the nearby fence, and then creeps up on the front porch. Being the careful individual he is, he checks all the windows, before deciding which window would be best to enter. Then he quietly calls for back up, asking for a van big enough for 4 men, one of whom is left handed.

Then without a sound that human ears could hear he has entered the building, 38 seconds later he comes out with the girl, covers her in a blanket and tells her that she is safe.

Seagal then re-enters the building, and five loud window smashes are heard. It is him throwing out the rapists onto the front lawn as the rest of the Sheriffs arrive.

When questioned why there are five he says, one was sleeping.

His last to camera is, “This can be a rough neighbourhood, but if I can use my Martial Arts and Zen Mastery to stop just one brutal gang rape, then I’ve contributed to society.”

The rest of the episode is filled up with Seagal buying the team Ice cream.